Category Archives: family

Attitude, Belief Systems, Bride Story, Choices, Coaching, Communication, Communication Skills, Empathy, family, Heart Touching, Listening, Love, Relationship

Moments we miss, that are not about us, yet have everything to do with our ability to listen on a heart level.

 

learning how to hear hearts by listening from my heart and into the depth from which a person speaks.
……learning how to hear hearts by listening from my heart and into the depth from which a person speaks.

Moments we miss, that are not about us, yet have everything to do with our ability to listen on a heart level.

The bride rushed into the dressing room and began to cry. My heart knew what was wrong, but as a life coach, I know outcomes are best when given permission to speak into a situation. I waited for her to express with her words, so I could ask her if I could help.

I shared with my client my expertise and experience in relationship building and on being solution-oriented in relational conflict. And then I asked her permission to talk with her mom about the issue at hand. Not only did she agree that I may help, she emphatically said “Please!”

In another room her mom sat oblivious to her blunder. Upon entering I gently stated, “All brides want their moms to love the dress they will walk down the aisle in, and the last thing they want is to think about a negative comment she made about it.” I looked on her with empathy as I saw the problem come into her awareness.

“Oh no, I really messed up, didn’t I?” she asked.

“Not irreversibly.” I answered.

She asked my advice on how to fix it, so I offered suggestions on how to hear her daughter’s heart. Out came the bride from the dressing room, now wearing a different gown.  After a few moments the precious mom stood near her daughter and asked her to go retry the previous gown.

When she returned wearing her favorite gown, the mom wept. Her daughter’s face lit up as she asked her mom, “Do you love it now, too?”

She answered, “I love how much you love it..."
She answered, “I love how much you love it…”

She answered, “I love how much you love it. I didn’t see this before, and for that I am sorry.” They embraced each other as they both cried.

I don’t know about you, but I have missed too many moments when I could have connected on a heart level. I have learned and am still learning how to hear hearts by listening from my heart and into the depth from which a person speaks.

Several months after this, the bride wrote a review stating that her relationship with her continues to be better than it had ever been. Now THAT makes my heart sing!

As we enter the holiday season, step back and take a look at the hearts God has placed in your path. Do you honor them, or do you crush them with your own opinion? Please comment below.

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P.S. If you have tissue, watch this touching video of parents meeting their daughter’s heart donor recipient.

http://youtu.be/5NsncrD6Q8c  <for video click this link.

Adversaries Into Allies, Bob Burg, Communication, family, Relationship, Story

When “On It” Does Not Mean “Under You.”

I called Mom who answered her phone sounding hurried. She said she was looking for her phone but couldn’t find it. I said, “Mom you are on it.” She said hold on I will look. I could hear shuffling, then she said, “No, I am not on it.”

Screen Shot 2014-06-08 at 10.22.05 AM I looked at my cell phone to see what number I had dialed, then asked what phone she was looking for. She said “My cell.” That is the phone I was talking to her on. I giggled and insisted that she was “on it.” She sounded irritated with me, but called to my stepdad saying, “Ray, Amy insist that I am on it, will you come look under me?”

I now had a full blown belly laugh going. She was so irritated with me as she said she was “in a hurry and had to hang up so she could find her phone.” Knowing dang well that she was looking under her body, each time I told her she was on it, I said it one more time.

“Mom you are ON IT.” LOL “Amy I AM NOT, we looked.”

I know that hitting the target is not the targets responsibility. In Bob Burg’s book, Adversaries Into Allies, he says, “One surefire way of successfully taking responsibility for hitting the communication target is to avoid giving-or accepting-mixed messages.”

To be more clear in my communication, I asked her what hand she was holding her phone with. She answered “My left. Amy, I am in a hurry.” I said, “Okay okay, look at your left hand, and you will find your phone.” I heard her voice fade as she pulled the phone from her face saying, “Oh look Ray, Amy found my phone.”

Sometimes saying the same thing, the same way, over and over are again, is not effective communication. If I miss my target, I am the one who must adjust.